There once was a fellow named Kent

There once was a fellow named Kent
Who didn’t have funds for the rent.
His landlady asked for sex
But he could not erex
So he lives in the park in a tent.

There once was a fellow named Hardin

There once was a fellow named Hardin
Who spent all his time in his garden.
With plants variegated
And some help-related,
He’s locked up, awaiting a pardon.

A fellow named Bob Davenport

A fellow named Bob Davenport
Was called “Sofa” by his cohort.
His wife was named Clare
But he called her “Chair”
And his son was called “Otto” for short.

There once was a fellow from Brighton

There once was a fellow from Brighton
Who was very easy to frighten.
If he saw a spider
His eyes would grow sider
And his sphincter would painfully tighten.

There once was a man from Manhattan

There once was a man from Manhattan
Who looked like his face had been sattan.
Like a smiley face button
With no part a-juttin’.
From the side, from the neck, there was nattan.

There once was a man from Poughkeepsie

There once was a man from Poughkeepsie
Who while drinking never got teepsie.
He went from clear headed
To completely shredded
With movements incredibly treepsie.

There was a musician from Cuba

There was a musician from Cuba
Who sailed to Key West in his tuba.
The Coast Guard saved the day
Until they heard him play.
Then they took the poor guy to Aruba.

There once was a gal named Diane

There once was a gal named Lou Anne
Who felt that she needed no man.
“I need no support
And most men come up short, 
They can’t do what my vibrator can.”

There once was a Thanksgiving Day

There once was a Thanksgiving Day
When all the bad news went away;
When nobody died
Was lonely or cried;
But instead, felt like children at play.

There was a marathoner named Mike

There was a marathoner named Mike
Who eschewed the car and the bike.
He said, “I don’t care.
If I cannot run there,
There is nothing there I might like.

There once was a fellow named Pride

There once was a fellow named Pride
Who once fell asleep while inside
His wife’s love canal
With no rationale
‘Cept it was such a relaxing ride. 

There once a gal named Lenore

There once was a gal named Lenore
Who stood and demanded the floor.
She said, “I don’t care
If you snicker or stare.”
But, I’m not wearing heels any more.”

There was a musician from Cuba

There was a musician from Cuba
Who sailed to Key West in his tuba.
The Coast Guard saved the day
Until they heard him play.
Then they took the poor guy to Aruba.

There once was a fellow named Sumblr

There once was a fellow named Sumblr
Who posted nude selfies on Tumblr.
To his sad surprise
He was lacking in size.
It made him feel rueful and humblr.

Trump said, “Why are you all so fussy?

Trump said, “Why are you all so fussy?
So I said I would grab a girl’s pussy?
What I meant was her cat.
If you don’t believe that,
You’ll just have to vote for the hussy.”