There once was a fellow named Dick

There once was a fellow named Dick

Who trained to be a private dick.

         The fighting was fun,

         As was shooting his gun,

Which made up for his miniscule dick.

There once was a cyclist named Lance

There once was a cyclist named Lance

Who awoke to discover his pants

      Had burst into flames

      Because of his claims

As the cleanest guy in all of France.

 

There once was a poet named Simon

There once was a poet named Simon

Who didn’t at all care for rhymin’

         He eshews moon and June,

         Balloon and buffoon,

‘Cause as a child he was called “Pieman”.

There once was a woman named Kay

There once was a woman named Kay

Whose motto was “Live for Today.”

         “If I spent my time chillin’,

         I wouldn’t need penicillin,

But I feel it’s a small price to pay.”

While Ernie collects unemployment,

While Ernie collects unemployment,

He plays video games for enjoyment.

      While not looking for jobs

      He shot CGI mobs,

‘Til his Dad signed him up for deployment.

 

There once was a fellow named Raffel

There once was a fellow named Raffel

Who loved fried chicken on his waffle

         Which his wife detested

         So she had him arrested,

Since in their hometown it was unlawful.

These once was a girl named Melissa

These once was a girl named Melissa

Who was known as a wonderful kissa.

         And if you said, “Please,”

         She’s get down on her knees

And plant a wet one on your pissa.

There once was a woman named Madelyn

There once was a woman named Madelyn

Who, as foreplay, preferred paddlin’.

         But, when her buns were red

         She wouldn’t lay on the bed.

She’d mount her man like a cowgirl straddlin’.

There once was a fellow named Paul

There once was a fellow named Paul

Who, without pants, stroller through the mall.

         One girl told her friend

         “I like his rear end,

But it looks like his dick is too small.”

There once was a fellow named Neil

There once was a fellow named Neil

Who felt old age is no big deal.

         “I smoke and I drink,”

         He said with a wink.

“I’m as young as the women I feel.”

There once was an old man named Rex

There once was an old man named Rex
Who forgot all that he knew of sex.

      He remembered his junction

      Had some special function,

With methodologies far too complex. 

These was an old gal named Lenore

Who asked, “What is this hole down here for?

      I know that’s where I pee,

      But for the life of me

It seems there should be something more.”

Did the Dems pull it out in the clutch?

Did the Dems pull it out in the clutch?

Or is the GOP out of touch?

         And what were we shown

         On our TV and phone?

Do we all hate each other that much?

There once was a fellow named Harley

There once was a fellow named Harley

Who married a woman named Davidson.

         They had a great life

         As biker-dude and –wife

And named their first child, Fat Boy.

 

There once was a gal named Suzanne

There once was a gal named Suzanne

Who wanted to become a man.

         After her boobs were set free,

         And an Add-a-dick-to-me

She was set with a grand-new floor plan.

There once was a woman named Suzie

There once was a woman named Suzie

Whose voice was so husky and bluesey

         That when she started to talk

         Men forgot how to walk

And stagger about dazed and boozey.