Sunday, February 7, 2016

There was a trumpeter named Roberto

There was a trumpeter named Roberto
Who always ate beans cooked in Certo™.
            With his horn in his ass
            He released his gas
To produce a stirring concerto.

*Certo™ is the stuff cooks to make jellies and jams.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

The big blizzard caused D. C. to close

The big blizzard caused D. C. to close
So the wheels of government froze.
            But without concession
            Female pols were in session,
Braving snow while in fashionable clothes.

Monday, January 25, 2016

There once was a young boy named Lucas

There once was a young boy named Lucas
Who said, “The big kids try to juke us.
            But we have desire,
            An unquenchable fire.
To beat us, they’ll just have to nuke us.”

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Whit a writ, June went to the fraternity

Whit a writ, June went to the fraternity
In a dress that confirmed her maternity,
            Demanding DNA
            From each guy there that day
To help narrow down the paternity.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

There is a GOPer named Sarah

There is a GOPer named Sarah.
When the discourse gets heated, she’s therah.
            Now, she’s on the stump
            In support of the Trump,
Which answers the Democrat’s prayerah.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Another "Lose-A-Letter" limerick

There once was a fellow named Hugh
Who desperately wanted a hug
            From a girl in his class
            A discriminating lass
Who just ran away yelling, “Ug.”

Monday, January 18, 2016

There once was a woman named Seph

There once was a woman named Seph --  
A very demanding head chef.
            She’d scream herself hoarse
            With language so coarse,
He only could hire the deaf.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

There once was a fellow named Neal

There once was a fellow named Neal
Who thought oral sex was ideal.
            Just as a receiver
            Since licking of beaver
Simply gave io him no appeal.

Friday, January 15, 2016

There was a woman named Renee

There was a woman named Renee
Who used the treadmill every day.
            Just as soon as she rose
            She laid out the day’s clothes.
On the rails like it was a valet.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

There once was a old man named Herman

There once was a old man named Herman.
His friends referred to him as Germ Man
            Since he coughed and he sneezed
            Anywhere that he pleased.
So was covered with miniscule vermin.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

A Powerball player named Riddit

A Powerball player named Riddit
Discovered that he indeed “hit it”
            And fell flat on his back
            Dead of a heart attack
Without telling us where he had hid it.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

There once was a father named Donne

There once was a father named Donne
Who, once a year, picked up his son
            To take for a ride,
            Full of fatherly pride,
To get his income taxes done.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

There once was a young man named Booker

There once was a young man named Booker
Whose mother took him to a hooker.
            She helped him undress her,
            Laid a grand on the dresser,
Then waited in the hall while he took her.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

There once was a gangster named Boyle

There once was a gangster named Boyle
Who made the blood of the cops boil.
            He set up as a pimp
            In a high flying blimp,
High above the American soil.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

There once was a fellow named Singer

There once was a fellow named Singer
Who lived like a post-modern swinger.
            His neighbors objected
            So Singer erected
A 40-foot tall middle finger.