Tuesday, September 23, 2014

There once was a woman named Paula

There once was a woman named Paula
Who wanted to make her butt smalla.
            She said, “I have ran
            And squatted all I can.
But men still say, ‘Back up that trawla.’”

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

There once was a young man named Dale

There once was a young man named Dale
Who planned a men-only yard sale.
            To get men to come
            He beat on the drum
To say that he’l rented some tail.

Monday, September 8, 2014

I once asked a fellow named Dennis

I once asked a fellow named Dennis
What he’d do with his income from tennis.
            “I’ll see that canal city
            That looks oh so pretty.
Amsterdam!  Not that creepy old Venice.”

Saturday, September 6, 2014

There was an old fellow named Kest

There was an old fellow named Kest
Who could make love twice (with a rest).
            He swears on his life,
            And says that his wife
Prefers the one in the spring best.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

There once was a fellow named Donnie

There once was a fellow named Donnie
Who lived on the banks of the Suwanee.
            A true country boy,
            His primary joy
Was to drink moonshine ‘til he got yawny.

Monday, September 1, 2014

There once were triplets named Faith, Hope and Charity

There once was a triplet named Faith
Who believed not in angel or wraith.
            “For as long as I live
            I’ll have free love to give.
‘Cause in death, I’ll have no one to layth.”

There once was a triplet named Hope
Who has found dead, hanging from a rope.
            “I’ve enjoyed laying men
            More than just now and then.
With the lonely mornings, I cannot cope.”

There once was a triplet named Charity
Who felt that true love was a rarity.
            So, she layed whom she could.
            “Some were bad.  Some were good.
Which sums up my life with such clarity.”

Thursday, August 28, 2014

There once was a woman named Hecht

There once was a woman named Hecht;
 A vegan before it was correcht.
            She claimed, “The protein I need
            I get From a man’s seed,
And works  out the muscles of my necht.”

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

There was a diner cook named Graham

There was a diner cook named Graham
Who made omelets out of some grey ham.
            The patrons became ill
            With both fever and chill
Which led to vomiting and mayhem.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

There was a first-grader named Lawrence

There was a first-grader named Lawrence
Who uttered obscene words in torrents.
            It like the Dalai Lama
            Telling jokes like “Yo Momma”.
You don’t expect such an occurrence.

Monday, August 25, 2014

There once was a fellow named Larry

There once was a fellow named Larry
Whose morning routine would not vary.
            A shower, a shave,
            A kiss and a wave,
To his wife and his neighbor’s wife, Sherrie.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

There once was a woman named Anne

There once was a woman named Anne
Who had a twin brother named Dan
            Until recently.
            Now she calls him Dani,
Since he cut that which made him a man.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

There once was a gal named Christine

There once was a gal named Christine
Who kept her mouth and teeth pristine.
            So her boyfriend Chris
            Could only get a kiss
If he brushed, flossed and used List’rine.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

There one was a woman named Abbey

There one was a woman named Abbey
Who worked as a big city cabbie,
            With one imperfection –
            No sense of direction –
Which makes all her customers crabby.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

There once was a young boy named Del

There once was a young boy named Del
Who thought he was going to Hell.
            He knew it was wrong
            To see Mom in a thong
When he felt his dingle-dob swell.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Seven-year-old Ben wrote a thesis

Seven-year-old Ben wrote a thesis
That his sister’s boyfriend was Jesus.
            He heard outside her door
            Her moan, “God, give me more.”
Which he added to his press releases.