Thursday, August 21, 2014

There one was a woman named Abbey

There one was a woman named Abbey
Who worked as a big city cabbie,
            With one imperfection –
            No sense of direction –
Which makes all her customers crabby.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

There once was a young boy named Del

There once was a young boy named Del
Who thought he was going to Hell.
            He knew it was wrong
            To see Mom in a thong
When he felt his dingle-dob swell.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Seven-year-old Ben wrote a thesis

Seven-year-old Ben wrote a thesis
That his sister’s boyfriend was Jesus.
            He heard outside her door
            Her moan, “God, give me more.”
Which he added to his press releases.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

There was a Greek scholar named Sharon

There was a Greek scholar named Sharon
Who worshipped the ferryman, Charon.
            Who transported the dead
            To the horrors ahead.
A tale she was quite fond of sharin’.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

There once was a young boy named Jackson

There once was a young boy named Jackson
Who drove his poor Mom to distraction.
            She said, “You’ve brought such pain
            To me all over again.        
I wish you had stayed a contraction.”

Monday, August 11, 2014

There once was a god they called Mars

There once was a god they called Mars,
The instigator of all wars.
            He need only hand a
            Man some propaganda,
And fire would rain from the stars.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

There was a woman in Montana

There was a woman in Montana
Who wanted to live in Havana.
            She said, “It’s not the cold.
            I don’t want to grow old
Without rum, coconut and banana.”

Friday, August 8, 2014

There was a young woman from Bozeman

There is a young woman from Bozeman
Who can’t wait until her bust grows in.
            She said, “Think of me
            With a proud double D,
Holding my blouse shut with a clothes pin.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

There was a centenarian named Mick

There was a centenarian named Mick
Who said all his life he was sick.
            Before he passed away,
            He sat up to say,
“Who knew that death would come so quick?”

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

There once was a woman named Stevie

There once was a woman named Stevie;
Driven, ambitious, achievie.
            She said of her diet,
            “Everyone should try it.
Just look at how I am abbrevie.

Monday, August 4, 2014

There once was a fellow named Payne

There once was a fellow named Payne
Whose friends thought of him as a pain
            In the neck, in the ass
            But not one of glass.
That would be too hard to explain.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

There once was a fellow named Rex

There once was a fellow named Rex,
A delivery man for FedEx.
            No time to say “Hi”,
            Or even “Good-bye”.
Just hurry on up to the nex’.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

There was a single gal named Vickie –

There was a single gal named Vickie –
Single, because she was too picky.
            “He must look and smell good.
            He must act as one should,
And not try to do something icky.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

There once was a MD named Ahmad

There once was a MD named Ahmad
Who prescribed fresh lobster and scrod
            But not for one’s health
            But increase the wealth
Of his family’s fish importing squad.

Monday, July 28, 2014

There was a clergyman named Seth

There was a clergyman named Seth
Who presided at the First Beth…
            Lethem United
            Where the flock delighted
When ever they heard a “God Bleth.”