Monday, May 25, 2015

We see “Happy Memorial Day”

We see “Happy Memorial Day”
Plastered all over Facebook today.
            Remember the price
            Of their sacrifice.
It’s not just a day off with pay.

Remember the heroes of Flight 93.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

There once was a fellow named Letterman.

There once was a fellow named Letterman.
On TV there just was no better man.
            For so many years,
            Each one of his peers
Has admitted to being a debtor, man.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

There once was a woman named Carole

There once was a woman named Carole
Who lived in a library carrel
            Where she studied at length
            The weakness and strength
Of Charles Dickens’ “The Christmas Carol”.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

On this National Day of the Limerick

On this National Day of the Limerick
We offer to you not a Grimerick,
            Not a Slim- or a Trim-,
            Certainly not a Prim-.
From the archives, we present a Quimerick.

From September 28, 2008

“I’m a big margarita,” said Kim,
Pouring tequila in her quim.
            She squirted fresh lime juice,
            All over her cooce
And even put salt on the rim.





 

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

There once was an old man named Don

There once was an old man named Don
Who never has anything on
            His car radio
            ‘Cept that nut, Rush Limbo
or that Hadany fellow named Sean.

Friday, May 8, 2015

There are two young fellows named Taylor

There are two young fellows named Taylor;
One a tinker, the other a sailor
            Who play their guitars
            In the finest of bars
And must carry their laurels in a trailer.

Experience DC Taylor tonight.

Monday, May 4, 2015

There once was a fellow named Hanigan

There once was a fellow named Hanigan
Who’ll not get an all-over tan again.
            He did not remember
            To sunscreen his member.
His lonely wife waits ‘til he can again.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

These once was a woman named Bobbie

These once was a woman named Bobbie
Who listed blow jobs as a hobby.
            She’d perform the deed
            For any man in need,
So no one would think she was snobby.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

In Chicago, an ex-Georgia peach

In Chicago, an ex-Georgia peach
Tried to exercise freedom of speech
            By exposing a breast,
            Then most of the rest
On a downtown Lake Michigan beach.

Monday, April 27, 2015

There once was a fellow named Nate;

There once was a fellow named Nate;
A chess champion from Kuwait.
            He planned his romance
            13 moves in advance
To force his companions to mate.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

There once was a young man named Plumber

There once was a young man named Plumber
Who desperately wanted a Hummer;
            Not the big SUV,
            But a BJ.  U C.
Each day without one made him glummer.   

Saturday, April 25, 2015

There once was a woman named Grace

There once was a woman named Grace
Who offered to sit on my face.
            I should have said, “Yes!”
            What I said was, “I guess,”
Which caused her to leave in disgrace.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

There once was a Vulcan named Spock

There once was a Vulcan named Spock
Whose manner was easy to mock.
            While not demagogic
            He promoted pure logic;
And canoodled with a living rock.*

*Star Trek, "The Devil in the Dark"

Rest in peace, Leonard Nimoy.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

There once was a woman named Janet.

There once was a woman named Janet.
Who was not from some other planet.
            But that beak on her face
           Made her look out of place;
Very much like a sea-going gannet*.

*noun:   large heavily built seabird with a long stout bill noted for its plunging dives for fish

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Once said by a girl named Marie

Once said by a girl named Marie
“There are two rules for those who screw me.
            Forplay for one minute
            Before plunging in it.
And, don’t block my view of the TV.”