Thursday, March 5, 2015

There once was a Vulcan named Spock

There once was a Vulcan named Spock
Whose manner was easy to mock.
            While not demagogic
            He promoted pure logic;
And canoodled with a living rock.*

*Star Trek, "The Devil in the Dark"

Rest in peace, Leonard Nimoy.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

There once was a woman named Janet.

There once was a woman named Janet.
Who was not from some other planet.
            But that beak on her face
           Made her look out of place;
Very much like a sea-going gannet*.

*noun:   large heavily built seabird with a long stout bill noted for its plunging dives for fish

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Once said by a girl named Marie

Once said by a girl named Marie
“There are two rules for those who screw me.
            Forplay for one minute
            Before plunging in it.
And, don’t block my view of the TV.”

Sunday, February 15, 2015

There once was a fellow named Bryant

There once was a fellow named Bryant
Whose bones were unusually pliant.
            He could place, with great ease,
            His head between his knees;
Making him sexually self-reliant.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

A sunburned young nudist named Sara

A sunburned young nudist named Sara
Asked the man who sold the aloe vera,
            “Do you have enough class
            To rub that on my ass?”
“For that ass,” he said, “Not enough thera.”

Monday, February 9, 2015

There once was a girl named Noelle

There once was a girl named Noelle.
When asked for a date said, “Oh, well.
            We’ll look at the moon.
            You’ll finish too soon.
But, let’s do it.  You never can tell.”

Saturday, February 7, 2015

There once was a woman named Daytona

There once was a woman named Daytona
Who worked as a orgasm dona.
            After screwing for pay,
            She retired ond day
To become a short-term “pay day” lona. 
 
 

Monday, February 2, 2015

A fashion designer named Fritz

A fashion designer named Fritz
Wraps all of in models in glitz.
            He passionately loves
            When they go without gloves
Exposing their glorious mitts.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

There once was a fellow named Digby

There once was a fellow named Digby
Who wanted to marry a pigmy.
            He said, “I’m too short.
            This is a last resort
‘Cause none of the other girls dig me.”

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

There once was a woman named Sloan

There once was a woman named Sloan
Who bought a second-hand smart phone.
            It made her go insane
            When it filled up her brain
With a stranger’s life though the earphone.

Monday, January 26, 2015

There once was a canner named Cannon

There once was a canner named Cannon
Who spent every September cannin’
            He put up more preserves
            Than an army deserves
According to the “Yes I Can” canon.

Monday, January 5, 2015

There once was a fellow named Plummer

There once was a fellow named Plummer
Who desperately wanted a Hummer.
            Not a big SUV,
            But a BJ U C,
'Cause he had not had one since Summer. 

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

There once was a fellow named Lowe

There once was a fellow named Lowe
Who moved unbelievably slow
            He said, “Why should I worry
            Or be in a hurry,
When I rarely have somewhere to go?”

Monday, December 29, 2014

Before starring in a stage production,

Before starring in a stage production,
Rose felt she needed liposuction.
            But the nurse nodded off,
            And did not shut it off
Until a 98% reduction.
 

Friday, December 26, 2014

There once was a fellow named Wayne

There once was a fellow named Wayne
Who traveled in his personal plane;
            A Mile-High Club member
            With his ex-wife Kimber
And her sisters, Judy and Jane.