Saturday, August 29, 2015

There once was a fellow named Addisson

There once was a fellow named Addisson
Whose trustworthiness level was nada, son;
            When he swore to his wife
            On his own worthless life
That his aunt was named Ashley Madison.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

There was a young woman named Mandy

There was a young woman named Mandy
Who had a strong fondness for brandy.
            If you would give her some,
            She might give you some.
If not, you still might get a handy.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

There was a cat lady named Jude

There was a cat lady named Jude
Who mistakenly brought home a dude.
            Seems she was assuming
            That he did cat grooming
From his ad, “Will Lick Pussy for Food”.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

A dashing young fellow named Porter

A dashing young  fellow named Porter
Took his girlfriend camping by the border.
            But his girl – what a drag –
            Brought her own sleeping bag.
So he took the desserts and s’mored her.

Monday, August 24, 2015

There once was a woman named Inger

There once was a woman named Inger
Who fancied herself a pop singer.
            But her “live” voice was canned
            And instead of a hand,
The audiences gave her a finger.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

There once was a woman named Dora

There once was a woman named Dora
Who said, “Yes, I am an explora.
            With binoculars trained
            At the house down the lane,
The frat boys’ Sodom and Gomorrah.”

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

There once was a nudist named Susan

There once was a nudist named Susan
Who laid by the pool just a-snoozin’.
            While she dreamt, in the air,
            She raised her derriere
Which left her companions bemusin’

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

There once was a fellow named Tony

There once was a fellow named Tony
Who went bankrupt due to alimony.
            It was wife number six
            Who put him in the fix
By not serving their kids just bologna.

Monday, August 10, 2015

There once was a fellow name Gregos

There once was a fellow name Gregos
Who constructed a wife out of Legos.*
            She could not cook or clean,
            Or use words too obscene.
And, of course, she could never get pregos.

*Lego is a registered trademark of Lego, Inc.  Duh!

Sunday, August 9, 2015

There once was a young boy named Thomas

There once was a young boy named Thomas
Who made his poor Mother a promice.
            He told her demurely,
            “I won’t act impurely
If you’ll stop buying hand soap with pumice.”

Saturday, August 8, 2015

There once was a woman named Beth

There once was a woman named Beth
Who had trouble pronouncing “eth”.
            She embarked on a journey
            To be an attorney
At Thimonthon, Thimpthon and Keth.

Monday, July 27, 2015

There once was a fellow named Earl

There once was a fellow named Earl
Who had only once kissed a girl.
            While he was a-dreaming,
            She ran outside screaming
And moved to the end of the worl’.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

There once was a fellow named Pailor

There once was a fellow named Pailor
Who had worked as a telephone poller.          
            This job he did lose
           When he took off his shoes
And scraped warts with a vegetable peeler.

Friday, July 17, 2015

There once was a woman named Judy

There once was a woman named Judy
Who cannot be thought of as prudey.
            She performs daily chores,
            Both in- or outdoors,
(Except for her Crocs*), as a nudie.

*registered trademark of those guys who make Crocs.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

A prostitution opponent named Denice

A prostitution opponent named Denice;
Was arrested by the local police.
            She’d chased off a john
            Before his denouement,
And was charged with disturbing the piece.