Thursday, August 28, 2014

There once was a woman named Hecht

There once was a woman named Hecht;
 A vegan before it was correcht.
            She claimed, “The protein I need
            I get From a man’s seed,
And works  out the muscles of my necht.”

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

There was a diner cook named Graham

There was a diner cook named Graham
Who made omelets out of some grey ham.
            The patrons became ill
            With both fever and chill
Which led to vomiting and mayhem.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

There was a first-grader named Lawrence

There was a first-grader named Lawrence
Who uttered obscene words in torrents.
            It like the Dalai Lama
            Telling jokes like “Yo Momma”.
You don’t expect such an occurrence.

Monday, August 25, 2014

There once was a fellow named Larry

There once was a fellow named Larry
Whose morning routine would not vary.
            A shower, a shave,
            A kiss and a wave,
To his wife and his neighbor’s wife, Sherrie.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

There once was a woman named Anne

There once was a woman named Anne
Who had a twin brother named Dan
            Until recently.
            Now she calls him Dani,
Since he cut that which made him a man.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

There once was a gal named Christine

There once was a gal named Christine
Who kept her mouth and teeth pristine.
            So her boyfriend Chris
            Could only get a kiss
If he brushed, flossed and used List’rine.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

There one was a woman named Abbey

There one was a woman named Abbey
Who worked as a big city cabbie,
            With one imperfection –
            No sense of direction –
Which makes all her customers crabby.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

There once was a young boy named Del

There once was a young boy named Del
Who thought he was going to Hell.
            He knew it was wrong
            To see Mom in a thong
When he felt his dingle-dob swell.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Seven-year-old Ben wrote a thesis

Seven-year-old Ben wrote a thesis
That his sister’s boyfriend was Jesus.
            He heard outside her door
            Her moan, “God, give me more.”
Which he added to his press releases.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

There was a Greek scholar named Sharon

There was a Greek scholar named Sharon
Who worshipped the ferryman, Charon.
            Who transported the dead
            To the horrors ahead.
A tale she was quite fond of sharin’.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

There once was a young boy named Jackson

There once was a young boy named Jackson
Who drove his poor Mom to distraction.
            She said, “You’ve brought such pain
            To me all over again.        
I wish you had stayed a contraction.”

Monday, August 11, 2014

There once was a god they called Mars

There once was a god they called Mars,
The instigator of all wars.
            He need only hand a
            Man some propaganda,
And fire would rain from the stars.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

There was a woman in Montana

There was a woman in Montana
Who wanted to live in Havana.
            She said, “It’s not the cold.
            I don’t want to grow old
Without rum, coconut and banana.”

Friday, August 8, 2014

There was a young woman from Bozeman

There is a young woman from Bozeman
Who can’t wait until her bust grows in.
            She said, “Think of me
            With a proud double D,
Holding my blouse shut with a clothes pin.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

There was a centenarian named Mick

There was a centenarian named Mick
Who said all his life he was sick.
            Before he passed away,
            He sat up to say,
“Who knew that death would come so quick?”