Monday, February 29, 2016

There was a Jamaican named Kofi

There was a Jamaican named Kofi
Who complained about being too coughy.
            He saw a physician
            Who took the opinion
That he should drink more or less coffee.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

There once was a woman named Lee

There once was a woman named Lee
Who lived in a house in a tree.
            She often took a chance
            And sat without pants
To give birders* something new to see.

*bird watchers

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

There once was a fellow named Peter

There once was a fellow named Peter
Whose seminal fluid was sweeter
            Than strawberries and cream.
            But yet, not a girl’s dream
Since the volume was over a liter.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

There once was a fellow named Ivan

There once was a fellow named Ivan
Who spent every moment conivin’.
            And the worst that he did
            Was to put his own kid
In the trunk to sneak into the drive-in.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

There once was a fellow named Bradley

There once was a fellow named Bradley
Whose ex-girlfriends remembered sadly.
            She said, “He was so cute
            And had money to boot.
It was just that he made love so badly."

Friday, February 19, 2016

There once was a woman named Fellows

There once was a woman named Fellows
Who fed her man sugared marshmallows.
            So at night in his sleep
            She heard only a Peep™
Instead of those thunderous bellows.

Peep is a registered trademark of Yellow Chickie International

Thursday, February 18, 2016

There once was a woman named Fay

There once was a woman named Fay
Who woke every day in dismay.
            She had low self esteem
            At such an extreme,
For breakfast she ate Normal K™

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

There once was a sailor named Chad

There once was a sailor named Chad;
Cursed with seasickness, poor lad.
            He deserted his ship
            For a unsanctioned trip
To the seacoast-less nation of Chad.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

There once was a woman named Chris

There once was a woman named Chris
Who said, “I think that I can do this.”
            And try as she might,
            She saw she was right.
An event that brought her great bliss.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

There once was a woman named Agnes

There once was a woman named Agnes
Who pondered the concept of bagness.
            “To live in a sack
            With no front or back,”
She said, “Would cause universal zigzagness.”

Friday, February 12, 2016

A British woman named Regina

A British woman named Regina
Planned to travel to North Carolina
     Or Herzegovina                
     To be called Regina;
Not a name sounding much like “vagina”.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

There once was a fellow named Drake

There once was a fellow named Drake
Who went for a walk by the lake,
     Until he , curse the luck,
     Was attacked by a duck
Who, for Pete’s sake, thought Drake was a drake.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

At the fair, the chief judge of the fudge

At the fair, the chief judge of the fudge
Gave the widow Simonson a nudge.
            With his pants like a tent,
            She knew what he meant.
Even for first place, she would not budge.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Von Miller just sat and was pensive.

Von Miller just sat and was pensive.
Thinking, “Why must I be so defensive.
            I think it may be
            Because they pay me,
And I have just become quite expensive.”

Congratulations to Von Miller, Super Bowl 50 Most Valuable Player

Sunday, February 7, 2016

There was a trumpeter named Roberto

There was a trumpeter named Roberto
Who always ate beans cooked in Certo™.
            With his horn in his ass
            He released his gas
To produce a stirring concerto.

*Certo™ is the stuff cooks to make jellies and jams.