Thursday, December 31, 2015

There once was a fellow named Ray

There once was a fellow named Ray
Who fell in love with a girl everyday.
            It started with talking.
            By noon, it was stalking.
Before bed, the cops take him away.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

There once was a fellow named Jeremy --

There once was a fellow named Jeremy --
A hard-chargin’ cowboy from Laramie.
            He said, “I’ve roamed this land
            With my gland in my hand
Lookin’ for some girl to de-cherry me.”

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

There once was a woman named Kate

There once was a woman named Kate.
Who swore she would not fornicate.
            That is, if it’s defined
            As inter-vagined.
She feels it’s alright to fellate.

Monday, December 28, 2015

There once was a young man named Steven

There once was a young man named Steven
Who told his girlfriend he was leavin’
            She wants to have some kids
            Which his belief forbids --
The Church of Steven Not Conceivin’.

Friday, December 25, 2015

Every year, Mrs. Claus makes it plain

Every year, Mrs. Claus makes it plain
All that she wants for Christmas is a train.
            So while Santa’s away
            Flying ‘round in his sleigh,
The elves . . . Do I have to explain?

Thursday, December 17, 2015

There once was a young nurse named Steph

There once was a young nurse named Steph
Who was charged with controlling the staph.
            All folks she detected
            Got themselves dininfected
From their hands to their personal stuph.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

A U. S. born woman named Bonnie

A U. S. born woman named Bonnie
Had dark features like the Romani.
            At the GOP debate
            A lamb gyro she ate
Which got her labeled an Irani.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

There once was a gal named Felicia

There once was a gal named Felicia
Who said, “I simply do not apprecia
            Men that I do not know
            Who will call me a ‘ho’
Never knowing that I am delicia.”

Monday, December 14, 2015

There once was a fellow named Mitch

There once was a fellow named Mitch
Who tripped and fell into a ditch.
            He did not hit his head,
            Somewhere lower instead.
Now he speaks with a much higher pitch.

Friday, December 11, 2015

In Denver, a hippie named Simon

In Denver, a hippie named Simon,
Who oddly enough was a pieman,
            Was known for his pot pies
            Which to no one’s surprise,
Were cannabis leaves in a pie tin.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

There once was a fellow named Eddie

There once was a fellow named Eddie
Who only ate uncooked spagheddie.
            It helps his erection
            Maintain its perfection
And weeps him always at the reddie.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

There once was a woman named Steph

There once was a woman named Steph,
A vulgar, demanding head chef.
            When she lost her whole staff
            She recognized her gaffe
And from then on, she hired he deaf.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

There once was a woman from Dallas

There once was a woman from Dallas
Who had quite a thing for the phallus.
            In painting and sculpture
            Nothing gave her such rapture
Like her dildo shaped like Wlliam Wallace*.

*see Braveheart