Friday, May 31, 2013

The “Smuggling Mom” has been cleared

The “Smuggling Mom” has been cleared.
Her criminal record is desmeared.
          At last, that old line,
          “I swear it’s not mine,”
Was held up by a judge, and not jeered.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

There once was a woman named Sasha

There once was a woman named Sasha
Who was desperately trying to squash a
          Rumor that she
          Lets men watch her pee
So she can buy a dishwasha.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

There once was a fellow named Buddy

There once was a fellow named Buddy,
The original fuddy-duddy.
         Could such a dull man
         With no fun in his plan
Really have a huge penis, now, could he?

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

There once was a fellow named Helmut

There once was a fellow named Helmut
Who while walking his dog wore a helmet
         With full body padding
         Covered by Kelvar™ cladding,
Because his hound is such a hell mutt.

Monday, May 27, 2013

There once was a fellow named Steven

There once was a fellow named Steven
Who knew that his balls were uneven.
         One hung too low,
         It could bounce on his toe.
And the other?  Too small for perceivin’.

Friday, May 24, 2013

They asked a young woman named Ellie

They asked a young woman named Ellie
How she lost 40 pounds from her belly.
      She only ete semen
      Provided by seamen
From a merchant ship out of New Delhi.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

In the colonies, Pamela Tower

In the colonies, Pamela Tower,
Lets patriots watch her in the shower.
         This carnal exposition
         Is a family tradition.
He Great-Gran came across on the Mayflower.

Monday, May 20, 2013

There once was a fellow named Lee

There once was a fellow named Lee
Who worked in a large pharmacy.
         He maintained a roll
         Of girls on birth control
Who haven’t had an STD.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

June did not need a man with agility

June did not need a man with agility;
Not even one with much ability.
         To share in June’s bed,
         Just relax, it is said,
She only needs availability.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

There was a male stripper named Rome

There was a male stripper named Rome
Who made his pants bulge like a dome.
      The ladies would flock
      To check out his cock,
And compare it the the one back at home.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

There once was a woman named B.B

There once was a woman named B.B,
Who applied eye shadow to each TT.
      Nothing too obscene;
      1 red and 1 green.
That gave her the illusion of 3D. 

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

There once was a woman named Helen

There once was a woman named Helen
Whose right breast was shaped like a melon.
         The left one had a shape
         Closer to a grape
Which she daily pinched to promote swellin’. 

Monday, May 6, 2013

There once was a fellow named Dylan

There once was a fellow named Dylan
Who cut down on the booze he’d been swillin’.
         He said, “All that it takes
         Is a case of the shakes,
Primarily due to the spillin’”
 
The old jokes are the best.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Marie, our teen-aged babysitter

Marie, our teen-aged babysitter
Was bored so she posted on Twitter,
         “Hey twits, am I hot?”
         And she tweeted her twat.
So now the I-Cops want to get her.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

There once was a woman named Delia

There once was a woman named Delia
Who wanted to try necrophilia.
         Most men that she’d known
         Could not give her a moan,
But a dead man just might make her squealia.