She brought her mynah to the pet shop

She brought her mynah to the pet shop
“This bird only says, ‘Cunt’, “Make it stop.”
“I don’t want to be fussy,
“If you change it to ‘Pussy’
That would be an acceptable swap.”

For 250 great years

For 250 great years
Guiness has brewed magnificent beers.
So let’s raise a glass,
Every laddie and lass,
And with one world-wide voice, shout out, “Cheers!”

Here's to the newlyweds, Michael and Brandie

Here's to the newlyweds, Michael and Brandie.
They match up like ice cream and candy.
To have a good life
As husband and wife,
Try to not be so reprimandy.

Congratulations, Brandie and Mike!

There once was a waitress named Sally

There once was a waitress named Sally
Who liked to screw men in the alley.
She'd pocket their jack
And wend them out back,
Then slip out the front to the valley.

There once was a woman named Autumn

There once was a woman named Autumn
Who enhanced both her breasts and her bottom.
It’s not just for pleasure,
It’s an economic measure.
She’s not bought any drinks since she got ‘em.

There once was a guy named Gay Steven

There once was a guy named Gay Steven
Who picked up a woman on evin’.
See, he’s only gay
Every other day.
Yep, he’s odd only when it is even.

Can the Lions go 16 and 0?

Can the Lions go 16 and 0?
Dear God, I surely hope so.
No wins in ‘08
Was just so ungreat
I almost moved to Kokomo.

Go lions. Beat the Saints.

There once was a woman named Marge

There once was a woman named Marge
Whose ass was incredible large.
She needs more than a trunk
To carry that junk;
A semi or maybe a barge.

Here’s to the folks running karaoke

Here’s to the folks running karaoke
They’re the best, and that is no jokey.
They put up with drunks,
Would be rappers and punks
And singers quite spastic and strokey.

I’ll warn you about going out with Tabby

I’ll warn you about going out with Tabby
It’s a lot like a trip with a cabbie.
It you get inside
She’ll give you a ride,
But she smells bad and she is way too gabby.

To analyze her sexual condition,

To analyze her sexual condition,
They asked for her favorite position.
She said, “Him in the bed,
Standing on his head,
And me making a snack in the kitchen,”

He got tossed from the big crossword bee

He got tossed from the big crossword bee
For using a profanity.
The right answer, of course,
For “social intercourse”
Was T – A – L – K – I – N – G.