The nursing home aide, Marie Claire,

The nursing home aide, Marie Claire,
Found herself in the gynecologist’s chair.
Because something smarts
Down in her “lady parts”.
Where they found someone’s dentures down there.

Jean and June, twin coeds from Texas

Jean and June, twin coeds from Texas ,
Told their boyfriends, “If you want to sex us,
All be want, don’t you know,
Is a giant red bow
On top of a new silver Lexus.

There once was a reindeer named Dasher

There once was a reindeer named Dasher
Who consulted a New York haberdasher.
He said, ‘Make me fashionable,
Not normal or rational.
‘Cause I see myself much more panacher.”

There once was a reindeer named Dancer
Who vacationed near the Tropic of Cancer.
She lounged by the pool
Looking sexy and cool
Searching for a buck to romance her.

There once was a reindeer named Prancer
Who wanted to be a break-dander.
The antlers made it rough
So he had them cut off,
Hoping a bald head would be the answer.

There once was a reindeer named Vixen
Whose beauty was very transfixin’
She turned up her nose
At all of her beaux
Whom she led on just to eighty-six ‘em.

There once was a reindeer named Comet
Who asked, “Where’s the island of Guam at?
My stomach’s upset
So I need to get
A balm made of Guam palm to calm it.”

There once was a reindeer named Cupid
Who did something incredibly stupid,
She drank too much grog,
Mulled wine and egg nog,
And got a DUI near Guadelupe

There once was a reindeer named Donder
Who in a past life was a condor.
That might explain why
He soars through the sky,
But the laying of eggs is a wonder.

There once was a reindeer named Blitzen
Who loves New Orleans where she sits in
With a Dixieland band
Playing piano four-hand
While tour groups watch her, kibitzin’

There once was a reindeer named Rudolph
Who is an expert at black-and-blue golf.
In spite of its name,
This reindeer game
Is tame. It’s not quite that rough.

Merry Christmas.


Mac

Backstage at the Country Music show

Backstage at the Country Music show
She looked for the nan playing banjo.
She loves when he lingers
With his fast-moving fingers
For her own personal organ solo.

Tiger Woods is the butt of some jokes,

Tiger Woods is the butt of some jokes,
But I think it is all a big hoax.
Why would any girl
Give any guy a twirl
Whose goal is to use the fewest strokes?

Suzanne doesn’t care to do oral;

Suzanne doesn’t care to do oral;
She’s been brought up to think its immoral.
But you better believe it,
She loves to receive it;
Which initiates many a quarrel.

When Bob went to the holiday dance,

When Bob went to the holiday dance,
He was sure that he would get romance,
He’d get many a kiss
With a plan that can’t miss.
‘Cause he’d tied mistletoe to his pants.

When asked if she’d been good this year,

When asked if she’d been good this year,
Ellen told Santa Claus, “Well, my dear,
I’ve fucked many men
And time and again,
They tell me I’m q;uite good, so it’s clear.”

Every year, Mrs. Claus makes it plain

Every year, Mrs. Claus makes it plain;
All that she wants for Christmas is a train.
So while Santa’s away
Flying ‘round in his sleigh,
The elves all line up . . . Do I have to explain?

There once was a fellow named Knox

There once was a fellow named Knox
Who spent all his time playing X-Box.
His girlfriend, Renee,
Said, “Put that away,
Or you’ll never get your hands on my box.”