These once was a woman named Audrey

These once was a woman named Audrey
Who’s wardrobe is tacky and tawdry
With tube tops and shorts
And Ts will all sorts
Of vulgar slogans that he calls, “bawdry”.

There once was a woman named Vickie

There once was a woman named Vickie
Who rarely will pass up a quickie.
But before you can tool her
She’ll pull out her ruler.
Yeah, I’m afraid that she’s really that picky.

There once was a gal named Amanda

There once was a gal named Amanda
Who sat naked out on the veranda,
With hope that she might
Lure a man for the night,
But, sadly she looks like George Blanda.

There once was a gal named Christine

There once was a gal named Christine
Who was easy to look at but mean.
With lovely blonde hair
And an icy cold stare,
It’s like making love to a Marine.

There once was a young gal named Scooter,

There once was a young gal named Scooter,
To call her a sex addict would suit her.
She most likes to fuck
In the back of a truck
On the freeway, with the morning commuters.

It time for me to take a stance

It time for me to take a stance
Against those old guys who wear those short pants,
With knee socks and sandals
While one testicle dandles.
Where do they think thing they are? France?

All hail to the won’drous coffee beanl

All hail to the won’drous coffee beanl
Purveyor of life-giving caffeine.
Make it hot. Make it dark.
Nothing to dull the spark.
Serve it to me in a 8-suart tureen.

There once was a fellow named Weyman

There once was a fellow named Weyman
Who’s never had sex with a woman.
It’s not that he’s gay
Or that he’d rather pray.
It’s just that he is such a wee man.

There once was a gal named Sabrina

There once was a gal named Sabrina
Whose vagina had a greenish patina.
The dildo she’d been sold
Was not solid gold,
But some alloy from Hercegovina

There once was a fellow named Johnson

There once was a fellow named Johnson
Who had a magnificent johnson.
But a zipper miscue
Caused his own blood to spew,
Requiring products from Johnson & Johnson.

There once was a gal named Yolanda

There once was a gal named Yolanda
Who never once went to Uganda.
Or Paris. Or Rome.
Or any place far from home.
Because Bingo was all she was fonda.

Rest in Peace, Yolanda.

There was an old fellow named Thatcher

There was an old fellow named Thatcher
Who spent his day as a girl-watcher.
As a cutie walked by
He asked himself, “Why”
“What ever could I do if I catch her?”

I’ve invented the ultimate stroller

I’ve invented the ultimate stroller
For your 1-year-old rocker and roller.
It’s got woofers and tweeters
And what’s even sweeter.
It’s powered by off-the-grid solar.

There once was a girl named Joanna

There once was a girl named Joanna
Who has screwed every male in Savannah,
‘Cept those under ten,
A few clergymen,
And the current boy-friend of her “Nana”.