There once was a gal from Las Vegas

There once was a gal from Las Vegas
Who gyrated in those go-go cages.
So intent on her dance,
She peed in her pants –
A vision that will forever plague us.

There once was a fellow from Philly

There once was a fellow from Philly
Who was proud of his extra long willie.
To give girls a glance
He wore transparent pants
Which protected it if it got chilly.

Mei Ling hoped that she would get lucky

Mei Ling hoped that she would get lucky
When she moved from Beijing to Kentucky.
“I need a big stud
With rust in his brood,
Because Chinese man is no good at fuckee.”

My girl got a Wisconsin waxing,

My girl got a Wisconsin waxing,
Like a Brazilian, but not quite as taxing
To remove pubic hair
They pour cheese sauce down there,
Scraping it off with corn chips. How relaxing!

There once was a young man from Texas

There once was a young man from Texas
Who lost the battle of the sexes.
His dick was too small
For any woman at all.
And the gays hate his wardrobe of checkes.

A hooker tired of selling her ass

A hooker tired of selling her ass
Held a “Penis Enlarging Class”.
Where unfortunate fucks
Paid 75 bucks
For a $2 magnifying glass.

There once was a woman named Stella

There once was a woman named Stella
Who just wanted a regular fella.
One who would screw her
And not try to woo her
By singing show tunes a cappella,

There was a ranch hand from California.

There was a ranch hand from California.
Compared to most men, he was hornia.
He’d screw any hole
From a sheep to a foal,
Or a tree if it wasn’t all thornia.

There once was a woman named Chrissie

There once was a woman named Chrissie
Who thought her boy-friend was a sissy.
After she sucked his dick,
He’d touch-up her lipstick
Before he would give her a kissy.

On a corner stood saleswoman, Tammy,

On a corner stood saleswoman, Tammy,
Dressed in just her shoes and a cami,
Hoping to inspire
Some intense desire
To purchase her $10 chamois.