There once was a woman named Gloria

There once was a woman named Gloria
Who lived at the Walford Astoria.
Not as a paid lodger,
But with some old codger
Where she goes down like the Andrea Doria.

There once was a fellow named Garrison

There once was a fellow named Garrison
Whose Mother called him her hairy son.
With a face to be heard,
His passion for the word
Made NPR’s best show “that Prairie one”.

There once was a fellow from Durham

There once was a fellow from Durham
Whose girlfriend knew just how to stir him
To bring her the heights
Of sexual delights.
If he starts to slow down, she spurs him.

Rex Ryan, a coach most profound,

Rex Ryan, a coach most profound,
Apparently cannot make a soung
Without saying “Fuck!”
Using it with pluck
As an adjective, adverb and noun.