There once was a woman named Nina,

There once was a woman named Nina,

A virtuoso on the concertina,

         Who said, “With it ‘tween my knees,

         I give it a squeeze,

And  harmonize though my vageena.”

There once was a woman named Robyn

There once was a woman named Robyn

Whose fun box was constantly throbbin’.

         She said, “My girlie nubbin

         Could sure use some rubbin’

And a nice long wet tongue for some daubin’.”

There once was a fellow named Plover

There once was a fellow named Plover

A stand-up comic down in Dover

         At the end of his act

         Was always the same crack,

“Make sure you tip your waitress over.”

There once was a woman named Brooke

There once was a woman named Brooke

Who did everything my the book.

            You never could score

            Until date number four,

And she’ll never, ever swallow that gook.

The naked cab driver, Louise

The naked cab driver, Louise,

Said, “This job is sure not a breeze!

          That inter-seat glass

          Keeps their hands off my ass.

But, I’ve no place to carry my keys.”

There once was a fellow named Quaid

There once was a fellow named Quaid    

Who tried every night to get laid.

         He tried margaritas

         To lure his Lolitas

To his alcohol infused brigade.

There once was a woman named Mary

There once was a woman named Mary

Who owned her own apothecary.

         She’s got pills to curb hunger,

         Or to make you feel younger.

And a rub to make it like a cherry.

There was a Sister Abigail

There was a Sister Abigail

Who prayed with the young men in jail.

         She felt the proudest

         Of the men who prayed loudest,

So she gave them a peek at her tail.