There once was a gal named Suzanne

There once was a gal named Suzanne

Who wanted to become a man.

         After her boobs were set free,

         And an Add-a-dick-to-me

She was set with a grand-new floor plan.

There once was a woman named Suzie

There once was a woman named Suzie

Whose voice was so husky and bluesey

         That when she started to talk

         Men forgot how to walk

And stagger about dazed and boozey.

There once was a woman named Pattie

There once was a woman named Pattie

Whose neighbors thought must be quite batty.

         She used a garden shear

         To cut off her hair

Whenever she thought it was too ratty.

There once was a woman named Rose

There once was a woman named Rose

Who buys her panties by the gross. 

      She leaves them behind her

      As a subtle reminder

Of who passed on that STD dose.

There once was a fellow named Neil

There once was a fellow named Neil

Who asked his girl, “How does it feel

      To have my manly pride

      So far deep inside?”

She laughed at him, saying, “Get real!.”

There once was a fellow named Davy

There once was a fellow named Davy

Who spent his whole life in the Navy.

         Like in the Joel song,

         A bar’s where he belongs

‘Cause he walks like the floor is all wavy.

There once was a woman name Monica

There once was a woman name Monica

Who learned how to play the harmonica.

         The tongue is the key

         To her virtuosity.

Just ask her girlfriend, Veronica.

There once was a girl named Nicole

There once was a girl named Nicole

Who was born without spirit or soul.

         So she doesn’t mind

         Getting fucked from behind.

In fact, she likes men in each hole.

 

There once was a woman named Jeri

There once was a woman named Jeri

Who dumped her computer date, Larry.

         She had to reject him

         For fing’ring her rectum.

‘Cause she wants to keep her ass cherry.

There once was a young girl named Pat

There once was a young girl named Pat

Who was teased by her classmates as “flat”.

         ‘Til a boy from wood shop

         Told them all to stop,

Because he told them he liked her like that.

9/11 demonstrated

9/11 demonstrated

Americans were underrated.

      But bravery of those

      Who chose to oppose

Fear and terror cannot be debated. 

In memoriam to the passengers and crew of Flight 93.

OMG! Football is back!

OMG!  Football is back!
Our Sundays are no longer black!

      So, the zebras are new.

      What’s the worst they can do?

Just please protect my quarterback.*

 

*Matthew Stafford – Detroit Lions

There once was a fellow named Mark

There once was a fellow named Mark

Who only made love in the dark.

         He's tattooed, you see,

         From his neck to his knee

With a tribute to that Star Trek guy, Quark.