The “Smuggling Mom” has been cleared

The “Smuggling Mom” has been cleared.

Her criminal record is desmeared.

          At last, that old line,

          “I swear it’s not mine,”

Was held up by a judge, and not jeered.

There once was a woman named Sasha

There once was a woman named Sasha

Who was desperately trying to squash a

          Rumor that she

          Lets men watch her pee

So she can buy a dishwasha.

There once was a fellow named Buddy

There once was a fellow named Buddy,

The original fuddy-duddy.

         Could such a dull man

         With no fun in his plan

Really have a huge penis, now, could he?

There once was a fellow named Helmut

There once was a fellow named Helmut
Who while walking his dog wore a helmet
         With full body padding

         Covered by Kelvar™ cladding,

Because his hound is such a hell mutt.

There once was a fellow named Steven

There once was a fellow named Steven

Who knew that his balls were uneven.

         One hung too low,

         It could bounce on his toe.

And the other?  Too small for perceivin’.

They asked a young woman named Ellie

They asked a young woman named Ellie

How she lost 40 pounds from her belly.

      She only ete semen

      Provided by seamen

From a merchant ship out of New Delhi.

In the colonies, Pamela Tower

In the colonies, Pamela Tower,

Lets patriots watch her in the shower.

         This carnal exposition

         Is a family tradition.

He Great-Gran came across on the Mayflower.

There once was a fellow named Lee

There once was a fellow named Lee

Who worked in a large pharmacy.

         He maintained a roll

         Of girls on birth control

Who haven’t had an STD.

June did not need a man with agility

June did not need a man with agility;

Not even one with much ability.

         To share in June’s bed,

         Just relax, it is said,

She only needs availability.

There was a male stripper named Rome

There was a male stripper named Rome

Who made his pants bulge like a dome.

      The ladies would flock

      To check out his cock,

And compare it the the one back at home.

There once was a woman named B.B

There once was a woman named B.B,

Who applied eye shadow to each TT.

      Nothing too obscene;

      1 red and 1 green.

That gave her the illusion of 3D. 

There once was a woman named Helen

There once was a woman named Helen

Whose right breast was shaped like a melon.

         The left one had a shape

         Closer to a grape

Which she daily pinched to promote swellin’. 

There once was a fellow named Dylan

There once was a fellow named Dylan

Who cut down on the booze he’d been swillin’.

         He said, “All that it takes

         Is a case of the shakes,

Primarily due to the spillin’”

 

The old jokes are the best.

Marie, our teen-aged babysitter

Marie, our teen-aged babysitter

Was bored so she posted on Twitter,

         “Hey twits, am I hot?”

         And she tweeted her twat.

So now the I-Cops want to get her.

There once was a woman named Delia

There once was a woman named Delia

Who wanted to try necrophilia.

         Most men that she’d known

         Could not give her a moan,

But a dead man just might make her squealia.