There once was a fellow named Darrell
Who spent all his time in a barrel.
Except
while at school
Because
of the rule,
“No barrels allowed In your carrel."
Isolde did so love Sir Tristan
Who made love to her like a piston.
But
she ran through her Lord
With
his very own sword
After discovering all of his trystin’.
There once was a woman named Coffee
Who daily drank 8 cups of cofffee
Which
ruined her throat,
Made
her sound like a goat,
And caused her to be
chronically coughey
There once ws a fellow named Guy
Who thought he was able to fly.
To
offer up proof,
He
jumped off the roof.
Which is certainluy one way to die.
There once was a woman named Esther
Who only wore pink polyester.
It
make her feel girly
Despite
being burly
With a pervious first name of Lester.
At last, the Olympic closing rites!
NBC will give back out nights.
No
more half-pipe or curling
Or
triple axel trirling
And no more hockey without fights.
Since Ted, the blacksmith. was good-hearted
The town folks ignored when e farted,
Until
after a gorge
He
let loose by the forge.
Now he’s known as the
dearly pedeparted
There once was a woman named Meyer;
The world’s only sexual vampire.
She
sucked only semen
From
muscular he-men,
Leaving them in their beds to expire.
There was a young woman named Kinnie
Whose Mother taught her how to shimmy
And
to bump and to grind
And
to twerk her behind
‘Cause she can’t get big tips being
prinny.
There once was a gal named Lucille
Who wondered just how it might feel
To
screw a wild horse
(With
a condom of course)
Or to give a blowjob to an eel.
There is a woman named Diane
Whos never had sex with a man.
How
does she orgasm?
She
says that she has ‘em
Watching Dean Cain as Superman.
There once was a woman named Gloria
Who worked at the Waldorf-Astoria.
She
wasn’t a maid
But
she was highly paid
For providing carnal euphoria,
There once was a woman named Ruth
Who never once uttered the truth.
That
she always lied
Hurt
the trade that she plied
As a street-corner sayer of sooth.
There once was a fellow named
Chuck
Who hunted the wily woodchuck
To
see if he could
Find
out how much wood
The cute little critter could
chuck.
There once was a fellow named Roland
Who immigrated here from Poland.
He
dismissed all the jokes
From
the unthinking folks,
Since he’d rather be here than in no land.
There was a woman named Naomi
Whose husband said, “Dear, won’t you blow me?
You
do it so well
And
it won’t make you swell.”
She sighed and said, “Yes, but you’ll owe me.”
There once was a Grecian named Zeus
Who at one time seduced a goose.
It
might have been worse
If
he had been Norse
And tried to make love to a moose.
There once was a fellow named Halloran
Who was a first place prize for hollerin’.
He
yells loud for great lennth
With
pulmonary strength
‘Cause his mouth always has an inhaler in.
There was a Southern girl named Connie
Who lived near the banks of the Suwanee.
She’d
sunbathe on the shore
Wearing
nothing much more
Than the sky on her body so tawny.
There once was a fellow named Dion
Who wore a suit decked out in neon.
Of
scarlet and white
That
he wore every night
To show he was nobody’s peon.
There once was a fellow named Sasso
Whose face was designed by Picasso;
With
two eyes on one side
And
a mouth extra wide
That allowed him to sing like a basso.
There once was a girl named Marlene
Who daily ate a single sardine
For breakfast and
lunch,
But for supper a
bunch
Of cabbage on a buttered saltine.
There once was a Roman named Nero
Who history says was a zero.
With
his ciry in flames
He
played one of his games;
An beta of Violin Hero.
A well-endowed fellow named Joch
Put all of his clothes in the wash.
When
he answered the door
To
the lady next door,
All she could say to him was “Gosh!”
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