A smokey-voiced woman named Alexis

A smokey-voiced woman named Alexis
Claimed that she was born in Texas.
            But her drawl is an real
            As her boobs, and we feel
That we also don’t know what her sex is.

There once was a fellow named Bennett

There once was a fellow named Bennett
Who spent 40 years in the Senate.
            Though retired, he’d insist
            Even a grocery list
Be dictated to an aide who would pen it.

There once was a fellow named Todd

There once was a fellow named Todd
Who was blessed with a breathtaking bod.
            He kindled desire
            As hot as a fire
Which made women stand an applaud.

There’s a music lover named Nokie

There’s a music lover named Nokie
With a voice that is off-key and croakey.
            If you’re out for a ride
            Don’t pull along side
Of his automotive Karaoke!

There once was a fellow named Bruno

There once was a fellow named Bruno
Who ran a brothel up In Juneau.
            When his Mom asked, “Dear Bru,
            Just what is it you do?”
He said, “Well, I just . . . rent out . . . um . . . equipment, you know?”

 

A Cavalry general named Custer

A Cavalry general named Custer
Told one  of his men at the muster,
            “There’ll be no one to mourn
             At the Little Big Horn.
I’m betting your life o on it, Buster”

There once was a young man named Ryder

There once was a young man named Ryder
Who wanted to marry a spider.
            Its penis was small,
            Almost nothing at all,
So, she put the whole spider inside her.

One half of the Pathway to Venus

One half of the Pathway to Venus
Asked her sister, “What is that between us?”
            It’s sure not her finger
            Or that vibrating zinger.
Oh my God, do you think it’s a penis?”

There once was a young boy named Willie

There once was a young boy named Willie
Who could not keep his hands off his willie.
            His Mom said, “Be good!”
            And he promised he would,
But we think he will not, but then, will he?

There once was a woman named Dexy

There once was a woman named Dexy
Who tried very hard to be sexy.
            With skirt short, neckline low,
            She bent over to show
Views sending  men to apoplexy.

There was a woman named Louise

There was a woman named Louise
Who like the breeze between her knees.
            So, when given the chance
            She went without pants
Which pleased the hes and a few shes.

There once was a younjg girl named Britney

There once was a young girl named Britney
Whose personal flaws made a litany.
         She smoked and she drank
         And dressed like a skank
Showing off too much ass and titney.

A felonious woman named Gardener

A felonious woman named Gardener
Had a plan to make that Judge pardon her.
         That wily young wench
         Slithered under his bench
With her oral penile dehardener.

There once was a fellow named Treacher

There once was a fellow named Treacher
Who worked as a street-corner preacher.
         He found folks would pay
         To make him go away
Which was a most lucrative feature.

There once was a fellow named Moe

There once was a fellow named Moe
Who was tired of this lifetime of woe.
         He climbed a tall tower
         In order to shower
His piss on the townfolk below.

There was a woman named Bernice

There was a woman named Bernice
Who slept with her aunt and her niece;
         ‘Til this three-generational
         Degenerational
Affair was shut down by police.

There was a gal named Frederique

There was a gal named Frederique
Who was known as a sexual freak.
         So, while kissin’ and gropin’
         She left the drapes open
Encouraging neighbors to peek.

There once was a fellow named Lowell

There once was a fellow named Lowell
Who accomplished a personal goal
         He gave his wife, Shiela,
         Way too much tequila
And screwed her in every hole.

There is an old fellow named Fritz

There is an old fellow named Fritz
Who everyday reads the obits,        
        To see if the dead
         Includes his brother, Fred.
If not, he just curses and spits.

There once was a fellow named Warren

There once was a fellow named Warren
Who lived in a house in a warren.
         One of his great joys
         Was listening to the noise
Of his neighbors’ overnight warrin;.

There once was a woman named Pat

There once was a woman named Pat
Who could come at the drop of a hat.
       Just a minute or so
       Of late-night HBO
Left a spot on the couch hwere she sat.

There once was a gal named Sunbeam

There once was a gal named Sunbeam
Who travelled with the football team.
       She was not a player,
       But, rather a layer
To prevent the dreaded wet dream.

There once was a fellow named Howell

There once was a fellow named Howell
Who suffered from irritable bowel.
       When he drove his car,
       He never went far
And he always sat down on a towel.

There once was a cow boy named Lowell

There once was a cow boy named Lowell
Who sported an impressive pole.
       At the ranch, there’s a yarn
       That he slept in the barn
Where he sired a red-headed foal

There once was a young girl named Jo

There once was a young girl named Jo
Whose favorite word seemed to be, “No”.
       It drove her Dad wild
       When she was a child
But loves it since she has a beau. 

There was a gal named Bernadette

There was a gal named Bernadette
With a face that you could not forget.
       Blue eyes, button nose
       And the rest in the trroes
Of a facial feature pirouette.

There once was a writer named Pete

There once was a writer named Pete
On the corporate side of the street.
          He penned usage nstructions
          That doubled production:
Three words – Lather, Rinse and Repeat.