There once was a gal named Virginia

There once was a gal named Virginia
Who made love while list’ning to Enya.
            ‘Til one man said no
            To Orinoco Flow.
“It’s too slow, dear.  I can’t keep it in ya.

There once was a fellow named Earnest

There once was a fellow named Earnest.
At the typesetter’s, he was a kernist.
            He measured the spaces
            In all the typefaces.
And the ‘setters knew he was the sternest.

There once was a dancer named Rudy

There once was a dancer named Rudy,
An expert on shaking her booty.
            The men all enjoyed it
            Every time she employed it.
But the agitation did make her tooty.

There was a gal named Bernadette

There was a gal named Bernadette
Who desperately craved a cigarette.
            Her man said, “Suck my dick.
            That should do the trick.”
She said, “If I can light your balls, it’s a bet.”

There once was a fellow named Riley

There once was a fellow named Riley
Who asked his assistant, quite shyly,
            to stop likcing her lips
            And rotating her hips
Because he was feeling quite spryly.

There once was a woman named Shirley

There once was a woman named Shirley
Whose pubic hair looked just like Curly.
            There’s nary a hair,
            Front or back, anywhere,
Which makes her feel “all baby-girlie.”

There once was a woman named Jo

There once was a woman named Jo
Whose pubic hair looked just like Moe.
            She had styled it with bangs
            Which perfectly hang
To wave as the knee-breezes blow.

There once was a woman named Teri

There once was a woman named Teri
Whose pubic hair looked just like Larry.
            It’s bald in the middle
            Where Teri would diddle,
But one either side, it’s quite hairy. 

There once was a gal named Dionne

There once was a gal named Dionne
Who strode through the waxing salon.
            “Leave the heair on my head
            And my eyebrows,” she said.
“But the rest of the fuzz must be gone.”

There was a prostitute named Blanche,

There was a prostitute named Blanche,
Who worked at the famous Mustang Ranch.
         But at age 66
         She now plies her tricks
At the Boca Raton, Florida branch.

There once was a man named Hussein

There once was a man named Hussein
Who sailed across the bounding main,
            Changed his first name to Harry
            Opened a cash-and-carry
And now owns a 50-store chain.

There once was a homme named Pierre

There once was a homme named Pierre
A connoisseur of the derriere.
            He’d spend every jour
            By the maison de couture,
To regarder la femme sans underwear.

There once was a woman named Hattie

There once was a woman named Hattie
Whose wardrobe was terribly ratty.
            She said, “Heaven knows,
            I don’t have nice clothes.
But my 35 cats all look natty.

The wife of a fellow named Horton

The wife of a fellow named Horton
Said, “I can’t take that thing that you’re sportin’
            It is just way too big!
            And, I don’t mean that twig.
It’s your nose with your incessant snortin’.

There once was a girl named Louise

There once was a girl named Louise
Who let me get between her knees.
            I did learn to rue it
            ‘Cause I should have knew it
Would give me a social disease.

Once said a young woman named Hearst

Once said a young woman named Hearst
Who was born on April the first,
            “Is it one of the rules
            That I only date  fools?
What did I do to be so cursed.”

There was a old fellow named Laskey

There was a old fellow named Laskey
Who somehow had a hotel passkey.
            He’d sneak in to snare
            Ladies’ underwear
Which he wore ‘round his house like a maskey.