There once was a fellow named Rex,
A delivery man for FedEx.
No
time to say “Hi”,
Or
even “Good-bye”.
Just hurry on up to the nex’.
There was a single gal named Vickie –
Single, because she was too picky.
“He
must look and smell good.
He
must act as one should,
And not try to do something icky.
There once was a MD named Ahmad
Who prescribed fresh lobster and scrod
But
not for one’s health
But
increase the wealth
Of his family’s fish importing squad.
There was a clergyman named Seth
Who presided at the First Beth…
Lethem
United
Where
the flock delighted
When ever they heard a “God
Bleth.”
There once was a woman named Helen
Who dated a dangerous felon.
“He
don’t scare me,” said she,
“’Cause
one word from me,
And back in prison he’ll be dwellin’”
There once was a fellow named Bradley
Who made love to women quite badly.
It
did no good to say,
“How
about some foreplay?”
Because he’d finish by threeplay,
sadly.
There once was a fellow named Marty;
A man with an appetite hearty.
But
his digestive tract
Never
sonically attacked.
So this limerick will not end with “farty”.
I once loved a girl named Renee.
Her smile would brighten every day.
I
heart would go “Zoom”
When
she entered a room,
But I loved to watch her walk away.
There once was a fellow named Bruce
Who looked like a moose on the loose.
He
thrashed through the house
Trying
to catch a grouse
For reasons that seemed quite obtuse.
There once was a woman named Sunny
Who found a great way to make money.
She
walked down the street
In
just her bare feet
Which podophiles had smeared with
honey.
There once was a woman named Judy.
At 70, she still was a cutie.
With
a lifetime of care
To
her sweet derriere,
She’s was the home’s most ogled booty.
There once was a young boy named Sasha
Who stomped around trying to squash a
Big
ugly centipede
To
watch the thing bleed
On the brand-new carpet in the dacha.
There once was a gal named Louise
With an unusual way to sneeze.
It
came from a place
Nowhere
near her face.
But rather from between her knees.
There once was a woman named Jessi
Who felt that her life was too stressi.
She
had too much passion
About
the modern fassion.
So she walked about town all undressi.
There was a young woman named Cinnamon
Who lived on diet soda and pemmican.
The
number of calories
To
stay rooted in a breeze
Means six pounds of corn daily,
minimum.
There was an old man named Sylvaintia
Who sat there all day to complaintia.
If
you’re late with his tea
Or
to change the TV
He’d jump up and take his old caintia.
There once was a young man named
Rollie
Who rode to his job on the trolley.
Every
day you could trust
Seeing
him getting bussed,
Riding to his job on the trolley.
There once was a fellow named Bellow
Who ate only strawberry Jell-o®.
His
skin was bright pink.
His
farts did not stink,
But smelled like a Lucky Charm®
marshmallow.
There once was an Anglican Minister
Who wanted to do something sinister.
But
his heart wasn’t in
For
any serious sin,
So he just made out with his twin
sister.
There once was a girl named Eilene
Who said, “Yes, I’m the school make-out
queen.
So,
watch your hands, Grover.
I’m
not a pushover.
But, buy me a drink and I lean."
There once was a young man named Tapper
Who wanted to become a rapper.
But
he could not rhyme,
Or
even keep time
So he’s working as a beaver trapper.
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