There once was a woman named Hecht;
A
vegan before it was correcht.
She
claimed, “The protein I need
I
get From a man’s seed,
And works out the muscles of my necht.”
There was a diner cook named Graham
Who made omelets out of some grey ham.
The
patrons became ill
With
both fever and chill
Which led to vomiting and mayhem.
There was a first-grader named Lawrence
Who uttered obscene words in torrents.
It
like the Dalai Lama
Telling
jokes like “Yo Momma”.
You don’t expect such an occurrence.
There once was a fellow named Larry
Whose morning routine would not vary.
A
shower, a shave,
A
kiss and a wave,
To his wife and his neighbor’s wife,
Sherrie.
There once was a woman named Anne
Who had a twin brother named Dan
Until
recently.
Now
she calls him Dani,
Since he cut that which made him a man.
There once was a gal named Christine
Who kept her mouth and teeth pristine.
So
her boyfriend Chris
Could
only get a kiss
If he brushed, flossed and used
List’rine.
There one was a woman named Abbey
Who worked as a big city cabbie,
With
one imperfection –
No
sense of direction –
Which makes all her customers crabby.
There once was a young boy named Del
Who thought he was going to Hell.
He
knew it was wrong
To
see Mom in a thong
When he felt his dingle-dob swell.
Seven-year-old Ben wrote a thesis
That his sister’s boyfriend was Jesus.
He
heard outside her door
Her
moan, “God, give me more.”
Which he added to his press releases.
There was a Greek scholar named Sharon
Who worshipped the ferryman, Charon.
Who
transported the dead
To
the horrors ahead.
A tale she was quite fond of sharin’.
There once was a young boy named
Jackson
Who drove his poor Mom to distraction.
She
said, “You’ve brought such pain
To
me all over again.
I wish you had stayed a contraction.”
There once was a god they called Mars,
The instigator of all wars.
He
need only hand a
Man
some propaganda,
And fire would rain from the stars.
There was a woman in Montana
Who wanted to live in Havana.
She
said, “It’s not the cold.
I
don’t want to grow old
Without rum, coconut and banana.”
There is a young woman from Bozeman
Who can’t wait until her bust grows in.
She
said, “Think of me
With
a proud double D,
Holding my blouse shut with a clothes
pin.
There was a centenarian named Mick
Who said all his life he was sick.
Before
he passed away,
He
sat up to say,
“Who knew that death would come so
quick?”
There once was a woman named Stevie;
Driven, ambitious, achievie.
She
said of her diet,
“Everyone
should try it.
Just look at how I am abbrevie.
There once was a fellow named Payne
Whose friends thought of him as a pain
In
the neck, in the ass
But
not one of glass.
That would be too hard to explain.
Posts
