There once was a fellow named Earl

There once was a fellow named Earl
Who had only once kissed a girl.
            While he was a-dreaming,
            She ran outside screaming
And moved to the end of the worl’.

There once was a fellow named Pailor

There once was a fellow named Pailor
Who had worked as a telephone poller.          
            This job he did lose
           When he took off his shoes
And scraped warts with a vegetable peeler.

There once was a woman named Judy

There once was a woman named Judy
Who cannot be thought of as prudey.
            She performs daily chores,
            Both in- or outdoors,
(Except for her Crocs*), as a nudie.

*registered trademark of those guys who make Crocs.

A prostitution opponent named Denice

A prostitution opponent named Denice;
Was arrested by the local police.
            She’d chased off a john
            Before his denouement,
And was charged with disturbing the piece.

A holistic healer named Donna

 A holistic healer named Donna
Practiced her trade in Tijuana
            Where she cured every ill
            Without potion or pill,
Just a large Baggie* of marijuana.

*Baggie is a registered trademark of the . . . Big Baggie Incorporated . . . probably.

There once was a woman named Daisy

There once was a woman named Daisy
Who every one said was too lazy.
            Her treatment for glaucoma
            (With that unique aroma)
Had left her perpetually hazy.

There once was a fellow named Abner

There once was a fellow named Abner
Whose wife cried ‘cause he had stopped grabner.
            She asked him, “Is it me?”
            He said, “No dear, you see,
It’s your younger sister.  I’ve been jabner.

There once was a fellow named Andy

There once was a fellow named Andy
Who only ate peppermint candy.
            It is beyond belief
            That he kept all his tief
“Cause he chewed them until they were sandy.

There once was a woman named Madge

There once was a woman named Madge
Who did not care for the term “vag”.
            “Vagina” is to formal.
            “Vulva” is not normal.
I wear the “Passage to Paradise” badge.

There once was a bailiff name Caliph

There once was a bailiff name Caliph
Who slept every night in the jail if
            His farts were so bad
            That to keep his wife glad
He avided giving her a tail whiff.

There once was a woman name Jeri

There once was a woman name Jeri
Whose body was completely unhairy;
            Form her head to her toes,
            In her ears and her nose;
Since of fleas and of lice, she was wary.

There once was a fellow named Grant

There once was a fellow named Grant
Who went on a extended rant;
            Until he forgot
            What had made him so hot,
And he left with a wheeze and a pant.          

A couple, August and June Mann

A couple, August and June Mann,
Had a unique family naming plan.
            A boy, March, it begins;
            April and May, the twins;
Then July and the “unplanned” one, Jan.

There once was a fellow named Jed

There once was a fellow named Jed
Who had a small hole in his head.
            His brain was in tact
            But he lost one lone fact
Every time that he nodded his head.

There once was a fellow named Joad

There once was a fellow named Joad
Who stood by the side of the road
            Every day until noon
            When the heat made him swoon
And he called AAA to get towed.