There was a young woman named June

There was a young woman named June
Who had a voice much like a loon.
            But with her ample chest,
            Behind, and the rest,
She’s still a star.  Thanks, Auto-Tune.

There is this new veggie named kale

There is this new veggie named kale
That’s touted in every email.
            Just chop it and stew it,
           Or dice it and --- Screw it!
It tastes like dog shit that’s gone stale.

There once was a fellow named Addisson

There once was a fellow named Addisson
Whose trustworthiness level was nada, son;
            When he swore to his wife
            On his own worthless life
That his aunt was named Ashley Madison.

There was a young woman named Mandy

There was a young woman named Mandy
Who had a strong fondness for brandy.
            If you would give her some,
            She might give you some.
If not, you still might get a handy.

There was a cat lady named Jude

There was a cat lady named Jude
Who mistakenly brought home a dude.
            Seems she was assuming
            That he did cat grooming
From his ad, “Will Lick Pussy for Food”.

A dashing young fellow named Porter

A dashing young  fellow named Porter
Took his girlfriend camping by the border.
            But his girl – what a drag –
            Brought her own sleeping bag.
So he took the desserts and s’mored her.

There once was a woman named Inger

There once was a woman named Inger
Who fancied herself a pop singer.
            But her “live” voice was canned
            And instead of a hand,
The audiences gave her a finger.

There once was a woman named Dora

There once was a woman named Dora
Who said, “Yes, I am an explora.
            With binoculars trained
            At the house down the lane,
The frat boys’ Sodom and Gomorrah.”

There once was a nudist named Susan

There once was a nudist named Susan
Who laid by the pool just a-snoozin’.
            While she dreamt, in the air,
            She raised her derriere
Which left her companions bemusin’

There once was a fellow named Tony

There once was a fellow named Tony
Who went bankrupt due to alimony.
            It was wife number six
            Who put him in the fix
By not serving their kids just bologna.

There once was a fellow name Gregos

There once was a fellow name Gregos
Who constructed a wife out of Legos.*
            She could not cook or clean,
            Or use words too obscene.
And, of course, she could never get pregos.

*Lego is a registered trademark of Lego, Inc.  Duh!

There once was a young boy named Thomas

There once was a young boy named Thomas
Who made his poor Mother a promice.
            He told her demurely,
            “I won’t act impurely
If you’ll stop buying hand soap with pumice.”

There once was a woman named Beth

There once was a woman named Beth
Who had trouble pronouncing “eth”.
            She embarked on a journey
            To be an attorney
At Thimonthon, Thimpthon and Keth.