Thursday, August 14, 2008

In the hills, a horny young Mister

In the hills, a horny young Mister
Spent the afternoon screwing his sister.
His dad came along
And said, "Stop, that is wrong!
"Slow down or you'll give her a blister."

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Contortionist Cynthia Jo

Contortionist Cynthia Jo
Had a travelling X-rated show.
Men made long car trips
To watch her lick her lips.
You know, the ones she has down there below.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

There once was a young girl named Jamie

There once was a young girl named Jamie
Who said, "I need sombody to lay me
"Down in the grass,
"Keep his hands off my ass,
"Rub my feet with sweet oil and then pay me."

Happy Birthday, Jamie

Monday, August 11, 2008

A dignified gal from St. Ives

A dignified gal from St. Ives
Said she doesn't screw ruffians from dives.
She'll have an affair
In the penthouse upstairs.
And she never comes. She arrives.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Restaurant critic Herbert

Restaurant critic Herbert
Wrote a review that was both mean and curt
The chef said, "Eat shit.
Herb replied, "I just did.
"What do you recommend for dessert?"

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Sweet Sue in the maternity ward

Sweet Sue in the maternity ward
Was learning that childbirth was hard.
"If I'd known that a fuck
"Could bring such bad luck,
"I'd have closed up my hole with a board."

Friday, August 8, 2008

The frustrated widow Mae Copp

The frustrated widow Mae Copp
Lost her job at the Olde Candle Shoppe.
Her boss got upset
'Cause the candles were wet
And sticky and gooey on top.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

A busy young woman from China

A busy young woman from China
Had never once seen her vagina.
She wasn't real fat.
It's nothing like that
She could never find time to reclina.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Said the world-weary hooker named Jill

Said the world-weary hooker named Jill
When offered a five dollar bill,
"Son, five dollars gits
"A squeeze of my tits
"And a glance at my ass, if you're still."

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

An attractive young girl from Tacoma

An attractive young girl from Tacoma
Was cursed with an unpleasant aroma.
She'd inserted a gerkin
So far up her merkin
That to remove it might give her a coma.

Monday, August 4, 2008

The Notorious Limerick - A History - Part One

The limerick is simultaneously one of the best loved or most reviled poetic genres in both American and British literature. On one side of the fence, Carolyn Wells writes in her 1925 book, The Book of American Limericks, “A complete book of American limericks would be . . . not at all desirable. Aside from the fact that a large proportion of the known limericks are unfit for publication, a still greater majority are utterly worthless.”

To rebut this opinion, we refer to that most prolific or all writers, Anonymous, who wrote:

The limerick packs laughs astronomical
In a space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

The origins of the limerick lie in the early British folk traditions. Both long and short folk tales were often set to rhyme to be sung or recited. The rhyming made memorization easier, for very little of this form of entertainment was ever written down. There were epic tales of battles and adventures to transport listeners far from their common existence, and ribald poems and songs to help their find humor in that same dreary business of staying alive.

Think about what is discussed at today’s fabled “water cooler” in our modern office environment. Tales of vacations, sports victories, adventures on the golf course, and of course, dirty jokes. Our ancestors were no different than us when looking for entertainment.

Of course, much of both British and American folk literature has survived. But the material to be recorded for history was chosen by the educated (those who could read and write) and later by those with the printing presses. And these people were not at all interested in preserving the ribald and bawdy tales of the common folk.

So it came to be that when limericks enjoyed their first burst of popularity, they were presented as nursery rhymes for children.

To be continued.

There once was a fellow named Steve

There once was a fellow named Steve
Whose dick you just would not believe.
He said, “What the heck;”
Wrapped it twice round his neck;
And left the rest hang out his sleeve.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

There once was a young girl named Erica

There once was a young girl named Erica
Who had a strong love for America
And Jesus and horses
And Elvis of courses
And Tom Petty and the Heartbreakericas.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

A woman asked her husband, Lyle,

A woman asked her husband, Lyle,
"Why don't we screw doggy style?"
So he licked his own balls,
Took a dump in the hall,
And sniffed at her crotch for a while.

Friday, August 1, 2008

There was a male hooker named Vance

There was a male hooker named Vance
Who had quite a beast in his pants.
He said, "I know I can thrill you,
"But I might also kill you.
"So I'll ask you to pay in advance."