Mortitian's assistant Yvonne

Mortitian's assistant Yvonne
Was pondering about the beyond.
"If I give head
"To a man that is dead.
"Will he still come if he's gone."

An entrepreneur in Seattle

An entrepreneur in Seattle
Planned to sell shit in a bottle.
"When I see what this ilk
"Pays for coffee and milk
"I know I'll succeed. Hell, I oughta."

Someone asked Astronaut Grace

Someone asked Astronaut Grace
About enjoying sex in space.
"All you need is a strap
"Or a velcro wrap
"To dock your box unto his face."

After delivering 9 children, Mary

After delivering 9 children, Mary
Was told this by her husband, Barry.
"You may not be virginal
"In your canal vaginal,
"But I'm betting your ass is a cherry.

An enterprising cashier named Rose

An enterprising cashier named Rose
Screwed her boss every day after close.
She said, "His little dick
"Doesn't quite do the trick,
"But his very large bank account does."

There is this woman who lives in Green Bay

There is this woman who lives in Green Bay
Who likes to make love in a keen way.
She likes to pack ‘er
Air mattress with crackers
‘Cause the crunching makes a much more obscene lay.

Welcome back, Monday Night Football

A transvestite living in Cincinnati

A transvestite living in Cincinnati
Said, “I really not trying to be catty,
“I’ve been guy and been gal,
“I guess I’ve seen it all,
“And the guy-part is always so ratty.”

Salute to NFL week 1

There once was a woman named Cheryl

There once was a woman named Cheryl
Who was banned from the group Christmas Carols.
They said, "You are flat."
She said, "Look at that!"
Disrobing to show them both barrels.

Happy Birthday, Cheryl

The girls all are hot for the charms

The girls are all hot for the charms
Of the guy with three hands and three arms.
There's one for each breast;
One east and one west
And another one down on their farms.

This fellow who lives in New York

This fellow who lives in New York
Is thought to be a giant dork.
He hands out headsets
On passenger jets.
And claims that it’s challenging work.

Welcome back, National Football League

On the phone, Jenny complained to Grace

On the phone, Jenny complained to Grace,
"Jimmy sent a bouquet to my place,
"Now he'll come over hopin'
"That my legs are wide open."
Said Grace, "Why don't you just buy a vase?"

That slimy old prick, Sid Cooker

That slimy old prick, Sid Cooker
Turned his sweet daughter into a hooker.
He sent her to class
On how to peddle her ass
And then, to a street corner he took her.
The next morning, the sweet little kid
Gave 301 dollars to Sid.
He said, "Not badly done,
"But who gave you the one?"
Wide eyed, she said, "Daddy, they all did.

Consider the spermatazoa

Consider the spermatazoa
Who has such a long way to goa,
Up through the urethra
Swimming hard just to reach the
Front porch of the tubes of Falopa.

I prefer Letterman over Leno

I prefer letterman over Leno,
Though each one is a funny fellow.
O'Brien is fine
Kimmel I don't mind
But Daly has just got to go.

A right-handed pitcher named Reaver

A right-handed pitcher named Reaver
While in season ignored his wife's beaver.
So she called the bullpen
And talked to the men
And asked them to send in a reliever.