There once was a fellow named Knox

There once was a fellow named Knox
Who spent all his time playing X-Box.
His girlfriend, Renee,
Said, “Put that away,
Or you’ll never get your hands on my box.”

New Moon will win the box office race

New Moon will win the box office race
With its hunky young vampires apace.
Every theatrical showing
Will start hormones flowing.
There won’t be a dry seat in the place.

UM vs OSU revisited

Of all the women down at Ohio State
There are none that I would make a bed mate.
The ones that I know
Don’t take care down below,
And let their panties just disintegrate.

All of the women at Michigan
Have too many itches in their britches, man.
To get their pants off
Makes me want to cough
And just makes me hungry for fish again.

The porn actress, Ginny McComb,

The porn actress, Ginny McComb,
Was applying some face wrinkle foam.
Her husband walked in
And frowning said, “Gin,
I hate when you bring your work home.”

During some less than effective screwing,

During some less than effective screwing,
Betty said, “Do you know what your doing?”
“I’m sorry,” said Harm,
“But I am from the farm.
It might help if you could start mooing.”

Marie and her landlord made a pact,

Marie and her landlord made a pact,
Since money was something she lacked,
The rent would be free
Including utilities,
If she fulfilled her oral contract.

The gals at work ment to the strip show

The gals at work ment to the strip show
Where the big, beegy studs let it all go,
Where a 20 buck tip,
Got one girl a flip,
And sent the hens out looking to crow.

There’s a stripper named Patty Ann Mears

There’s a stripper named Patty Ann Mears
Who drove her poor mother to tears.
Now, Mom’s not a prude,
It’s OK if Pat’s nude,
But she hates her ankles behind her ears.

All the women adore One-Eyed Peter.

All the women adore One-Eyed Peter.
He’ll turn a good wife to a cheater.
And it is also said
That a kiss of this head
Tastes like marshmallow cream, only sweeter.

Marie is so incredibly thin,

Marie is so incredibly thin,
If you want to take her for a spin,
You night need a lever
To open her beaver
Or you just might not get your dick in.

There was a first-time nudist named Rick

There was a first-time nudist named Rick
Who got tossed from the resort really quick,
When he asked poor Joan
To take Coppertone
And liberally apply it to his dick.

Nathan got the whole wrong idea

Nathan got the whole wrong idea
From the text he received from Maria,
“MST BLO OFF AR D8”.
He replied, “GR8”.
Not realizing she actuallymeant, “C YA”.

There once was a fellow named Tucker,

There once was a fellow named Tucker,
An long-haul, over-the-road trucker.
And he also knows how
To trim his mom's eyebrow.
Yep, he sure is a big mother-plucker.

The beach lifeguard swept in like a hawk

The beach lifeguard swept in like a hawk
To stop Julie’s clothing-free walk.
“You can’t cite free speech
For being nude on the beach,
Unless you can make your pussy talk.”

In pleasing women, Joe was the king.

In pleasing women, Joe was the king.
His secret? Just one little thing.
“This may be a shock,
But, don’t lick her box
After feasting on buffalo wings.”