There once was a fellow named Brady

There once was a fellow named Brady

Who wanted to become a lady.

         So he had boobs installed,

         Got dedicked and beballed,

But only looked good where it’s shady.

There once was a woman named Joy

There once was a woman named Joy

Who adopted a college-aged boy.

         A ROTC cadet

         For a sexual pet

With a ability to redeploy.

There once was a woman named Lucy

There once was a woman named Lucy

Who could only be described as juicy.

         She’d get much more than wet,

         Like a fire hose jet.

It’s something you just have to see.

There once was a fellow named Mark

There once was a fellow named Mark

Who would only undress in the dark.

         He was tattooed, you see,

         From his neck to his knee

With the image of that Star Trek guy, Quark. 

There once was a fellow named Weathers

There once was a fellow named Weathers.

Wherever he went, he wore leathers.

         But, he was not a biker

         Or a wilderness hiker.

The glide of the hide gave him pleasures.

There once was a woman named Carly

There once was a woman named Carly

Who was buried atop of her Harley.

         No, not on her bike,

         Just some guy she liked.

Which bothered her poor husband, Charlie.

There once was a woman named Annie

There once was a woman named Annie,

An incredibly libidinous Granny,

         Who strolled through the park

         Every night after dark,

Exposing her tits and her fanny.

There once was a gal maned Marie

There once was a gal maned Marie

Who’s on her cell phone constantly.

         He even likes to text

         While she’s being sexed,

“OMG! OMG! OMG!”

There once was a woman named Cherry

There once was a woman named Cherry

Whose demeanor and name were contrary.

         In knee socks and lip gloss

         She had come across

More than the Staten Island Ferry.

There once was a fellow named George

There once was a fellow named George

Who lost both his hands in a forge.

         His wife helps him dress

         And clean up his mess,

But she won’t make his semen disgorge. 

When Anne, a big fan of the Cubs

When Anne, a big fan of the Cubs,

Goes to Wrigley Field she rubs

         All the bats in the dugout

         Until she gets drug out

To the bull pen to warm up the scrubs.

 

Hey! Hey! Opening Day!

 

There once was a woman named Sue

There once was a woman named Sue

Who liked nothing more than to screw.

She’s do it for free,

(Plus gratuity).

You just have to wait in the queue.

 

If I were King of San Marino

If I were King of San Marino*,

I would outlaw the damned cappacino.

         Only coffee what’s hot

         And dark hits the spot

For me ever since I was a nino.

*noun:   the smallest republic in the world; the oldest independent country in Europe (achieved independence in 301); located in the Apennines and completely surrounded by Italy

noun:   the capital and only city of San Marino.

There once was a fellow named Hubie

There once was a fellow named Hubie

Whose head was shaped a little cubey.

         It was worse for his sister

         Whose boyfriend dismissed her

From the right angles found on each boobie.

 

There once was a hooker named Sunny

There once was a hooker named Sunny

Who would do anything for some money.

         Five bucks for a suck;

         Five more for a fuck;

And unspeakable deeds for a twenny.