There once was a fellow named Lee

There once was a fellow named Lee

Who worked in a large pharmacy.

         He maintained a roll

         Of girls on birth control

Who haven’t had an STD.

June did not need a man with agility

June did not need a man with agility;

Not even one with much ability.

         To share in June’s bed,

         Just relax, it is said,

She only needs availability.

There was a male stripper named Rome

There was a male stripper named Rome

Who made his pants bulge like a dome.

      The ladies would flock

      To check out his cock,

And compare it the the one back at home.

There once was a woman named B.B

There once was a woman named B.B,

Who applied eye shadow to each TT.

      Nothing too obscene;

      1 red and 1 green.

That gave her the illusion of 3D. 

There once was a woman named Helen

There once was a woman named Helen

Whose right breast was shaped like a melon.

         The left one had a shape

         Closer to a grape

Which she daily pinched to promote swellin’. 

There once was a fellow named Dylan

There once was a fellow named Dylan

Who cut down on the booze he’d been swillin’.

         He said, “All that it takes

         Is a case of the shakes,

Primarily due to the spillin’”

 

The old jokes are the best.

Marie, our teen-aged babysitter

Marie, our teen-aged babysitter

Was bored so she posted on Twitter,

         “Hey twits, am I hot?”

         And she tweeted her twat.

So now the I-Cops want to get her.

There once was a woman named Delia

There once was a woman named Delia

Who wanted to try necrophilia.

         Most men that she’d known

         Could not give her a moan,

But a dead man just might make her squealia.

There once was a fellow named Al

There once was a fellow named Al

Who acted like everyone’s pal.

         But at home on most nights

         He performed satanic rites

Cursing all of the Lutheran Chorale.

There once was a fellow named Scott

There once was a fellow named Scott

Who thought he was hot (he was not).

         It really annoyed him

         That girls would avoid him

Like it’s some vast feminine plot.

There once was a fellow from Limrick

There once was a fellow from Limrick

Who hated the verse form called “limerick”.

         He enjoyed the jokes

         Like most normal folks,

But he felt it sounded like ‘rimlick”.

In olde London, the Lady McNear

In olde London, the Lady McNear

Told her footman, “I must make this clear.

         My delicate pearl

         Is reserved for the Earl.

The servants all come in the rear.”

Monte, an NFL kicker

Monte, an NFL kicker

Plied a girl in the bar with some liquor.

         Despite what he thunk,

         Jennie Lynn, even druck,

Will only let quarterbacks dick her.

 

There once was a fellow from Philly

There once was a fellow from Philly

Who thought sex with girls was just silly.

         But thoughts of older women

         Would set his head swimmin’.

Oh, Agnes!  Oh, Mabel!  Oh, Millie!

There once was a sailor named Diedrah

There once was a sailor named Diedrah

Who spent 20 years on the seadrah

         ‘Til she got a discharge

         For hanging ass from a barge.

Since she desperately needed to peedrah.