There once was a old man named Herman

There once was a old man named Herman.
His friends referred to him as Germ Man
            Since he coughed and he sneezed
            Anywhere that he pleased.
So was covered with miniscule vermin.

A Powerball player named Riddit

A Powerball player named Riddit
Discovered that he indeed “hit it”
            And fell flat on his back
            Dead of a heart attack
Without telling us where he had hid it.

There once was a father named Donne

There once was a father named Donne
Who, once a year, picked up his son
            To take for a ride,
            Full of fatherly pride,
To get his income taxes done.

There once was a young man named Booker

There once was a young man named Booker
Whose mother took him to a hooker.
            She helped him undress her,
            Laid a grand on the dresser,
Then waited in the hall while he took her.

There once was a gangster named Boyle

There once was a gangster named Boyle
Who made the blood of the cops boil.
            He set up as a pimp
            In a high flying blimp,
High above the American soil.

There once was a fellow named Singer

There once was a fellow named Singer
Who lived like a post-modern swinger.
            His neighbors objected
            So Singer erected
A 40-foot tall middle finger.

There once was a fellow named Jason

There once was a fellow named Jason
Who bathed every day in a basin.
            He washed just his face
            And that one other place
Which he soaked ‘til it looked like a raisin.

There once was a waitress named Dawn

There once was a waitress named Dawn
Who worked with almost nothing on.
            She got much better tips
            By showing off her nips,
And $20 got a peek ‘neath her thon’.

As we ponder on 12/31

As we ponder on 12/31
Fretting about the things left undone,
            It should be understood
            That all “New Years” are good
When planning a course on 1/1.

There once was a fellow named Ray

There once was a fellow named Ray
Who fell in love with a girl everyday.
            It started with talking.
            By noon, it was stalking.
Before bed, the cops take him away.

There once was a fellow named Jeremy --

There once was a fellow named Jeremy --
A hard-chargin’ cowboy from Laramie.
            He said, “I’ve roamed this land
            With my gland in my hand
Lookin’ for some girl to de-cherry me.”

There once was a woman named Kate

There once was a woman named Kate.
Who swore she would not fornicate.
            That is, if it’s defined
            As inter-vagined.
She feels it’s alright to fellate.

There once was a young man named Steven

There once was a young man named Steven
Who told his girlfriend he was leavin’
            She wants to have some kids
            Which his belief forbids --
The Church of Steven Not Conceivin’.

Every year, Mrs. Claus makes it plain

Every year, Mrs. Claus makes it plain
All that she wants for Christmas is a train.
            So while Santa’s away
            Flying ‘round in his sleigh,
The elves . . . Do I have to explain?

There once was a young nurse named Steph

There once was a young nurse named Steph
Who was charged with controlling the staph.
            All folks she detected
            Got themselves dininfected
From their hands to their personal stuph.