There is a young woman named Karen

There is a young woman named Karen
At whom the boys are constantly starin'.
Is it her beauty,
Her above average booty?
Whatever it is, they're not sharin".

Happy birthday, Karen

A working girl in Tampa Bay

A working girl in Tampa Bay
Charges $100 per lay
If that price makes you balk
And you just want to talk,
Just one buck an ear’s what you pay.

Got football?

There is a young woman in Boulder

There is a young woman in Boulder
Whose box is no big, you unfold ‘er
To satisfy Carmen
You must put your arm in.
Yep. All the way up to your shoulder.

At the park, there's a young girl named Penny

At the park, there’s a young girl named Penny
On the swing set with her best friend, Jenny.
Said Jen, “Those boys there
Can see your underwear.”
Said Pen, “Ho, Ho. I’m not wearing any.”

Said a mom to her girl in Philadelphia

Said a mom to her girl in Philadelphia
“Don’t put your love on a shelf, Mia..
“Soar like an eagle,
Be proud and regal.
Not a whore like your sister, Cordellia.

A holiday tradition like no other.

Football!

There once was a gal named Alana

There once was a gal named Alana
Who was not known to be a complainer.
Except about work,
Tattoo-hating jerks,
And rock-critic-Godsmack-profaners.

Happy Birthday, Alana,

Rock chick number one!

There once was a young girl named Rose

There once was a young girl named Rose
Who claimed to have no sexual throes.
As she walked down the street
She seemed proper and sweet
But she was naked underneath her clothes.

A philospher from outside of Cannes

A philosopher from outside of Cannes
Once pondered the purpose of man
And of women, too.
Are they just here to screw?
I fuck’em, therefore I am.

My brother down there in Jacksonville

My brother down there in Jacksonville
Likes to drive his girlfriend up this one hill
In his bright red Jaguar
Though it’s not a boudoir
She will still go down all the way up hill.

Go football - Week 11

Michigan at Ohio State - 2008

Of all the women down at Ohio State
There are none that I would make a bed mate.
The ones that I know
Don’t take care down below,
And let their panties just disintegrate.

Most of the women at Michigan
Have too many itches in their britches, man.
To get their pants off
Makes me want to cough
And just makes me hungry for fish again.

A matronly gal from Toledo

A matronly gal from Toledo
Unfortunately lost her libido.
She would yawn during sex,
Scratch her stomach and stretch,
And say, “Wake me up when you’re completo.”

Anna Maria Moretti

Anna Maria Moretti
Sliced up her cheating man, Eddie.
When he was dead
She pickled his head
And ground up the rest for spaghetti.

There was a dogwalker named Fay

There was a dogwalker named Fay
Who was having a terrible day.
“It just drives me nuts
To stare at dog’s butts
And pick up their droppings all day.”

There's a story of my good friend Liz

There’s a story of my good friend Liz
Who don’t know where anything is.
She puts in her mouth
Things that belong in the south
Ignoring the place where she piz.

My old friend Bill loves Buffalo

My old friend Bill loves Buffalo
Where it often gets 20 below.
He keeps his hands warm enough
In his wife’s fur-lined muff.
Though, her ass does get cold, don’t you know?