Thursday, December 25, 2014

There once was a fellow named Santa

There once was a fellow named Santa
Who wanted to move to Atlanta
              “I’m tired of snow
              And 40 below
I can move on down South if I wanta.”

He met with the elves and the Mrs.
And explained to them about his wishes.
              The head elf, named Steve
              Just said, “When do we leave?”
And his wife smothered him with kisses.

In a warehouse out off of route 9
Were elves in a wild conga line,
              ‘Cause Steve had replaced
              Every tool in the place
With Computer Aided Design.

Since the red suit was so not couturesy,
The elf wardrobe master named Percy,
              Gave him shorts and flip-flops
              Assorted tank tops
And a red Atlanta Falcons jersey.

Pre-move, Santa had not had a notia
That he’d soon be dealing with OSHA.
              And with immigration.
              He beat the citation
With a threat to move to Nova Scotia.

He swapped out his egg nog for Yoo-Hoo.
That chocolate drink made him goo-goo.
              But he didn’t care
              He just sat in his chair
Engrossed in Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

At the reindeer corral, Santa found
Their diet has made them quite round,
              Instead of mistletoe
              They pigged out on kudzu
And were too fat to get off the ground.

He learned that production might stall
Since, his wife had not sorted at all
              The letters from boys
              And girls about toys.
She spends every day at the mall.

Steve told Santa, “This year, I foresee,
We won’t have enough for each tree.
              But I’ve dealt with a friend
              Who works at Nintend-
-O, to get every kid a  new Wii.”

After spending the night on eBay,
They recalled – no reindeer, no sleigh!
              But with some elf luck
              A bright red pick-up truck
Could be air-dropped in by Chevrolet.

Then finally, Santa ventured forth
In his elf-dusted  flying transporth.
              Then they heard his voice call,
              “Merry Christmas, y’all!
Tomorrow, we’re moving back North.”

All of us at the International Center for Limerick Studies wish you a Peaceful Christmas and a Prosperous New Year. 


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