Who wanted to move to Atlanta
“I’m tired of snow
And 40 below
I can move on down South if I wanta.”
He met with the elves and the Mrs.And explained to them about his wishes.
The head elf, named Steve
Just said, “When do we leave?”
And his wife smothered him with kisses.
In a warehouse out off of route 9Were elves in a wild conga line,
‘Cause Steve had replaced
Every tool in the place
With Computer Aided Design.
Since the red suit was so not couturesy,The elf wardrobe master named Percy,
Gave him shorts and flip-flops
Assorted tank tops
And a red Atlanta Falcons jersey.
Pre-move, Santa had not had a notiaThat he’d soon be dealing with OSHA.
And with immigration.
He beat the citation
With a threat to move to Nova Scotia.
He swapped out his egg nog for Yoo-Hoo.That chocolate drink made him goo-goo.
But he didn’t care
He just sat in his chair
Engrossed in Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
At the reindeer corral, Santa foundTheir diet has made them quite round,
Instead of mistletoe
They pigged out on kudzu
And were too fat to get off the ground.
He learned that production might stallSince, his wife had not sorted at all
The letters from boys
And girls about toys.
She spends every day at the mall.
Steve told Santa, “This year, I foresee,We won’t have enough for each tree.
But I’ve dealt with a friend
Who works at Nintend-
-O, to get every kid a new Wii.”
After spending the night on eBay,They recalled – no reindeer, no sleigh!
But with some elf luck
A bright red pick-up truck
Could be air-dropped in by Chevrolet.
Then finally, Santa ventured forthIn his elf-dusted flying transporth.
Then they heard his voice call,
“Merry Christmas, y’all!
Tomorrow, we’re moving back North.”
All of us at the International Center for Limerick Studies wish you a Peaceful Christmas and a Prosperous New Year.